In My Perfect World

If I had my way this whole blog would be purely fiction.
I would have woken myself up from this nightmare a very long time ago.
I wouldn't be thinking about the what ifs or the what's next anymore.
In my perfect world I would be holding our baby in my arms this very second.

But, it's not my perfect world, in fact it's the furthest thing from that.
So, when someone, who, let's say has a child and has never had to deal with.. what I like to call HELL, tells me that maybe I have tried TOO hard and maybe all I have to do is "just relax" or that maybe I have just gone beyond the means I should have to try and have a baby.. it brings a dormant rage inside me to life.
I am completely hurt and infuriated by that comment beyond comprehension.
I say to this person.. do you honestly believe I want to go through all this? Do you think I am just being impatient? Do you really think impatience would lead me to such drastic measures?
Or, can you think for just a second that maybe there is something wrong with my fertility, and maybe these drastic measures are the only way for me to have a child. And definately know this... JUST RELAXING WILL NOT GET ME TO A FULL TERM PREGNANCY.. it will not make my chances of having a baby any greater. I absolutely cannot hear those words uttered by anyone else in my life..consider this a warning.
Will relaxing magically make my translocation disappear, or my blood clotting issue just go away????
When you say this, are you blaming me for my miscarriages.. somehow saying I was too stressed????
Because when you say these two stupid words-- that is exactly how you are making me feel. So please, think about that next time.

You have not suffered that way I have suffered in regards to this. You have your child/children. You tell me if you would try too hard if you wanted a child so bably and couldn't have one. You tell me what  trying too hard would mean to you if you were in our situation?
Thankfully you will never have to think of the what-ifs or the what's next... but guess what... I DO and it sucks!!!! So next time you feel like judging me and my decisions... well...DON'T cause you have NO IDEA!!!!