A Bundle of Joy

Let me preface this by saying that I by no means am writing this to hurt anyone's feelings, or offend anyone, and I hope that I accomplish what I want without causing any harm to anyone. Like I've said before this blog was created to help me in times where I am hurt, upset, angry, scared, happy, or any other emotion that I just want to get out. It is my release from what otherwise would be a very hectic world inside my head.


I knew this day was coming, and I am, in all honesty, overjoyed that tomorrow there will be a new addition to the Pepe clan. Another wonderful nephew for all of us to enjoy and be proud of as he begins growing, and learning something new each day. Yes, it will be a beautiful thing.


But today I find myself fighting with no one other than, well, myself.
You see this is all so bittersweet for me.
Yes I am happy for my family, I am happy along with my family.
But I am sad for me, and Frankie. I am sad for us because no matter how happy we are for this miracle tomorrow,we will also have a pain in our hearts. A pain that, for now, I do not know how to get rid of.
It's a pain of knowing that we should have a baby the same age. It's the pain of knowing that as I watch him grow I will always think of the baby we lost and wonder what he/she would be like, or how close they would have been as cousins and friends.
It's the pain of not knowing what our future holds for us.
Is it possible to cry tears of joy and sadness?


Although I know I will regret this later, I am finding it almost impossible to bring myself to go the hospital to see him. Cheryl, I know we have spoken about that, and I thank you for understanding.
It's not that I don't want to see him, infact I can't wait to meet him. It's just that being in that environment right now is way more than I think I could handle. I am sorry.
I wish I wasn't affected by all of my problems as much as I am. But it is what it is and I cannot control that.


This post was extremely difficult for me to write, as I was sobbing most of the time.
But I had to write it.


One last note to my nephew:


I can't wait to welcome you into this world. I will always love you
and you will always be extra special to me and hold a piece of my heart
 for reasons you will never know.


Love Always,
Aunt Lori


P.S. Congratulations to the Pepe 7!